Saturday, October 29, 2011

Late at night

It's early morning, and I haven't been able to get any sleep. I'm lying down and I'm trying to organize my thoughts, listening to a podcast and the radio host mentioned that writing stuff down helps organize thoughts better. It used to help, but I haven't been putting my thoughts down recently. Most of my writings here are just small tags that I put down when I feel I have the time to write something. Usually when I'm feeling bored or angry.

I let a small problem grow into a big one. The problem now is that there are people around me who have been turned against me. I can't address any of the points directly because most of the people I know believe the little rat; beyond ignoring me or treating me like a stupid fool, there is really no way for me to attack the issue directly. A friend of mine told me to change a name, migrate overseas and start a new life. "There is no way to deal with jackshit like this", this advice is just funny... nothing else... I know this guy very well, and if people would just bring the issue to me directly I could work around it. Instead of having 5 different people ask me the same question. Or being treated like a fool for no good reason. The key problem is that it is very hard to keep my cool when I am being treated like a jackass.

The most distressing issue is the one I am having with one of my close friends. He has become this guy's biggest supporter, at the same time he is attacking me. The weasel is trying to lift him up to make use of him. The cherry on the cake in this whole issue is that he is angry because I am trying to tell him that he is being manipulated.

edit: Sigh, To eat an elephant I guess I need to start with small bites.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011


I am really under tremendous pressure... What I need to go through right now really drops the hammer on a lot of things. Not to put up with weasels early, otherwise I might find myself on the short end of the stick, as I am now. Not relying on anyone too much without having something to back myself up, because when it really comes to throw down and I find out that I made the wrong choice... I am going to have to struggle through things like this. Sigh, hopefully by the end of all of this I can repair my reputation. It's a really dark mark on an already difficult period.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Sigh, so many problems on my heels.

It's been a heck of a long run these last couple of months, I've been facing a lot of problems lately, from my personal life all the way to what I plan on doing in the future. I've taken a break from college for a semester to shift through my life and find out just where I am right now. It's been quite a rollercoaster and frankly speaking, it's really been an up and down cycle. I've had a fallout with Dominic, I used to be friends with this guy, but really a lot of things that should have alerted me to his behaviour a long time ago I did not bother to pursue, and right now it is really coming back to bite me in the ass.

He used to brag that he would be able to give people a difficult time if he didn't like them, among many other things, but I didn't really catch on until much later and I didn't tell anyone else about it, probably due to my misguided sense of loyalty. I guess I should have said something about it much earlier on. It always struck me funny how he would list out and overemphasize on all the things that were wrong with a good friend of mine while he spun a very flattering story about me, when at times I was doing worse. When I realized what was going on I backed the other friend all the way, but I didn't point out what Dominic was doing when I should have. The way things have turned out is almost comical if it wasn't so draining.

It's given me a whole new load of problems to deal with, but I guess the bright side is that I caught on to his behaviour, and I'll probably have to put myself out there before he can do more damage than his already done... as it is my relationship with several people have been damaged, if not outright ruined. This is a problem that I should have addressed early on, but with every other thing going wrong, I didn't pay attention to it when I should have tackled it on early. But life is like that, sometimes things go wrong. Fix it, damage control and move on.